Lie to me because you are weak.

Don’t lie to me because you care for me. Lying is caring! Since when? and if that is what you believe you lie to yourself before you lie to me.

Withhold the truth from me. Not because I cannot handle it but because you fear my response. Your ego or your trauma cannot accept it. You don’t care about me, but you pretend you do because you can’t handle it if I don’t care about you.

And so you hurt me. You let me question and wait. I communicate and prove my strength, but I am not the issue. You are.

I share my vulnerability with you. You pull it out of me. You desire to know my depth and yet you do not share yours. I begin to withhold myself from you and now you shut down completely. I let you in but even this makes you pull away more.

Is there anything I can do? I still seek to do things right and yet it isn’t me.

Lie to me and tell me you are okay, when you are not. Don’t let me in! Don’t let me love you. Don’t be my partner or allow me to be yours.

Once again, I walk alone. Seeking and yearning and yet more satisfied that I am not being lied to. I get to be me but why can’t I be me and be with you? Why can’t you be you and be with me? I don’t understand the complexity of this and yet I do.

The one that hurt me in so many ways and for the longest didn’t hurt me the most. The one that hurt me in ways that touched on death did not hurt me the most. It’s the one that loved me that hurt me the most. And so I shut down and do the same. Self-centered and insecure I walk forward with walls that have walls.

Let them down!

Or

Lie to me and be alone.

I will seek and search and carry on. This hope that never dies that one is out there who first sees themself and then sees me.