I open my eyes.

It’s so bright it hurts to look around.

Wait, no, it’s not the light. It’s the heat!

So hot it dries my eyes instantly and I must close them once again. Blinking I can see my surroundings just slightly. So many others are in this place with me. They are all in pain. Writhing and moaning, eyes and mouths closed, rolled up in balls with their elbows and knees tucked in tight.

What is this place? It’s glowing with heat so hot my flesh feels like it is aflame. Beyond that my body is in pain. My heart is heavy, my mind won’t stop racing, my muscles are cramping, and my bones feel like they are breaking.

I blink my eyes as fast as I can to keep some moisture in them and still get a peek at my surroundings. It’s a sea of people and bright hot heat as far as my eyes can see.

How long have I been here? How long can I survive this place?

Moments feel like years and years feel like moments. I have no sense of time.

And then I see something. Out of the corner of my eye to the left. Through my blinking burning eyes, I see something move. It’s a person. They stand up. Clearly, they are still in pain. Maybe even more than those on the ground rolled up in balls. They are screaming now, and their skin appears to catch fire. I am terror-stricken watching them. They don’t stop. They keep walking until they are out of sight.

Fear wells up in me and I become as still as possible. Terrified to move that I will catch aflame also. This fear holds me where I’m at for days or hours or minutes or years, I do not know.

I can’t take the pain anymore. How are all these people remaining here. No chains to hold them down. They stay. I am so weak. I’m not as strong as them. I cannot take it anymore. The fear is so strong in me that if I move I will catch on fire. I begin to panic. What do I do? Stay here forever until I die or stand up and walk and face whatever that may bring.

I take a deep breath in, and the heat burns my lungs. With no strength left in me I somehow rise. I don’t know how it could, but the fear increases as the pain does also. Screaming in agony now I begin to walk. My skin lights up in flames and there is no turning back now. There is no ball on the floor to return to, only certain death or to keep moving on in hopes there is something beyond this pain.

One agonizing step at a time I move. I don’t go far. I have only walked a few steps when the flames extinguish out of nowhere and the pain subsides. My eyes are closed and I’m holding my breath. I feel a cool breeze upon my skin and take a breath in, smelling the sweetness in the air of fresh flowers as if it’s springtime.

I blink my eyes, and it takes them time to adjust so I can open them fully. Once open, I can see that I am in a beautiful place. The sun is shining, and the air is crisp and fresh. There are others here. They are joyful and carefree.

I take a moment and turn to see where I came from. It is a fire that I stepped out of. I can see so many people still in the flames in so much pain. I reach my hand back and scream for them to follow me. I yell and yell, but they do not hear me.

I don’t know what to do. Should I return into the flames to pull them out? If I do, will the flames consume me? What if I don’t make it out again; sacrificing myself and saving no one.

Just then I feel a gentle hand in mine and I hear a whisper in my ear. A beautiful women, slightly older looking then myself is talking to me. She says to me, “let them go. Not because you are self-regarding or uncaring. Let them go because you cannot save them. They choose not to hear you. The fear consumes them, and they shut out your cries to them. No one that has re-entered the flames has ever come back to us again.”

With a duality of heaviness and joy in my heart;  with tears streaming down my face and a smile upon my lips, I turn back to this new world I have entered. Step by step I walk away from that fire. The heaviness lifts and my tears dry up.

I am free.